Well, I've still been cranky and lame, but at least I know what to expect from my emotional forecast. The first few weeks of me not smoking were exciting. Well, exciting if you like hanging out with the emotionally unstable. If that's the case, I would have been your playground.
I wish I had something exciting to report or at least a funny anecdote, or even an entertaining observation. But, I just don't. My life is boring. No, I recant. It's my brain that is boring. I think that's why I have been hiding out alone in my house, in fear of boring the living shit out of my friends and loved ones.
Last weekend, I went to a cool and very tasty gourmet pizza and wine bar with my dear Mchan, spent Saturday burning through gift certificates at the mall with Max, Saturday night at the rodeo with Goat and Sunday afternoon repeatedly screaming down a big ass hill on a sled with a fearless and priceless five year old. Much to my ire, I have nothing to say about any of it that is of any importance or if I did, I could not say it in any sort of entertaining way.
I'm hoping it's just a phase.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
St. Elsewhere
LAME!!!
That is what I have been the last few weeks, LAME!!!
Actually, I've been CRANKY and LAME!!
I can ambulate just fine, my walking ability has nothing to do with my lameness. It's an attitudinal lameness. I have been working so hard to reconfigure my brain chemistry, that I have spent no time entertaining and expanding the funny/odd/frightening thoughts that pop up in my head.
My current thoughts are entrenched in things like "How many calories does this piece of sustenance have?" and "Watching Swingers and listening to Heart of Saturday Night make me think on smoking fondly, but I'm not going to bum any, buy any, or light up any cigarettes" and "If I don't get out of my cozy bed now and hop on the elliptical, I'll have to work out after work, and Goat wants to take me out to dinner, but if I work out after work then it will be a late dinner and then there will be no time to watch Family Guy before bed." and "How quickly can the dog pee bacause I really want to go back to my couch and my Family Guy marathon because it's six-fucking-degrees-farenheit out here.". Oh and "How much does that cost?".
Obviously, my mind has been on other things than my blog, which I find endlessly frustrating. I'm also a little worried that I'm thinking way too much about Family Guy. If the average human uses something like less than 10% of their brain, why can't I kick it up a few percentage points? Then I could focus on all this habit reforming and still entertain all my quirky thoughts of shoving horse manure in my boss' mouth while he's duct taped to a chair, the fact that quitting smoking has unveiled a raging inner bitch and that every season on Family Guy, Meg becomes progressively more pathetic. These are important things to think, these are the things that I think about to exercise my head and stretch my creative muscles. It's a weenie creative workout, I know, but since I used to do improv every day, paint, make music and write on a weekly basis, I'm stunned my unused creativity hasn't atrophied to rigor mortis. I use these thoughts to keep a pulse until I get enough of my poo together to nurse my creativity back to health and let it loose to run screaming wherever.
Habit reforming's a bitch.
To my credit, I havent smoked in 36 days, have NOT smoked 661 cigarettes and saved $171.50. Plus I have dropped 7 pounds. So I guess that I need to put those stats into my pipe and smoke them. Just as long as it doens't have any calories.
That is what I have been the last few weeks, LAME!!!
Actually, I've been CRANKY and LAME!!
I can ambulate just fine, my walking ability has nothing to do with my lameness. It's an attitudinal lameness. I have been working so hard to reconfigure my brain chemistry, that I have spent no time entertaining and expanding the funny/odd/frightening thoughts that pop up in my head.
My current thoughts are entrenched in things like "How many calories does this piece of sustenance have?" and "Watching Swingers and listening to Heart of Saturday Night make me think on smoking fondly, but I'm not going to bum any, buy any, or light up any cigarettes" and "If I don't get out of my cozy bed now and hop on the elliptical, I'll have to work out after work, and Goat wants to take me out to dinner, but if I work out after work then it will be a late dinner and then there will be no time to watch Family Guy before bed." and "How quickly can the dog pee bacause I really want to go back to my couch and my Family Guy marathon because it's six-fucking-degrees-farenheit out here.". Oh and "How much does that cost?".
Obviously, my mind has been on other things than my blog, which I find endlessly frustrating. I'm also a little worried that I'm thinking way too much about Family Guy. If the average human uses something like less than 10% of their brain, why can't I kick it up a few percentage points? Then I could focus on all this habit reforming and still entertain all my quirky thoughts of shoving horse manure in my boss' mouth while he's duct taped to a chair, the fact that quitting smoking has unveiled a raging inner bitch and that every season on Family Guy, Meg becomes progressively more pathetic. These are important things to think, these are the things that I think about to exercise my head and stretch my creative muscles. It's a weenie creative workout, I know, but since I used to do improv every day, paint, make music and write on a weekly basis, I'm stunned my unused creativity hasn't atrophied to rigor mortis. I use these thoughts to keep a pulse until I get enough of my poo together to nurse my creativity back to health and let it loose to run screaming wherever.
Habit reforming's a bitch.
To my credit, I havent smoked in 36 days, have NOT smoked 661 cigarettes and saved $171.50. Plus I have dropped 7 pounds. So I guess that I need to put those stats into my pipe and smoke them. Just as long as it doens't have any calories.