For the record

I read over an old blog post from last March, where I was all excited to have not smoked in 36 days. I thought I'd put in my up-to-date non smoking stats, just for poo and giggles. And bragging rights.

Time smoke free: 385 days
Cigarettes NOT smokes: 6931
Money NOT spent on smokes: $1784.48

Right on!

Neighbors part 2.

Now that it's quiet, the ATV is back in the garage and not grinding on my quiet time, I do have to clean up after my rant about my hick neighbor. Clear the air in the argument I'm having with him, in the privacy of my own noggin.

He (Sarge) and his girlfriend (Patty) are actually pretty good kids. Now that I'm in my 30's and my 20's seem so very far away, they are considered kids.

When my dog got out and was romping in the street, although on his way to class, Sarge stopped and got out of his car, gathered her up and when he didn't get a response to knocking at my door, took my furry kid to his house for safe keeping until I got home to collect her.

He had a power washing business for a while. He was one of those guys who went to people's houses to wash their decks and their siding with a ridiculously high pressure, glorified water shooter. He traded services with a tree crew who came over and cut down a rotting black walnut tree that was growing about 4 feet from my house and threatening to fall into it on any given windy day. I could have never afforded the service, but Sarge never charged me a dime.

To try and differentiate "work around the house time" from "relax and play around the house" time, I decided to buy an apron. Whenever I wear the apron, I am cleaning a bathroom or re-organizing a closet. If the apron is on, I am in work mode. This is to try and ease the tension between myself and me, because the two are always fighting about housekeeping. I'm in a constant state of messy because I'm a busy body and I have a million ideas at once (yes, they are all awesome ideas too). So I generate quite a bit of mess. Since I work out my house most of the time, sitting in amongst the messiness, I tend to get on my own ass about housework. So I found a super cool cherry print apron, and on it's maiden voyage for a bout of bathroom scrubbing last spring, I got called outside to sign for a UPS delivery. Patty was just arriving home at that minute and I waved to her from the front porch. Being neighborly (save the last blog entry) I went over to say hello. As we chatted, she inquired about my apron and I gave her the meaning behind. 7 months later, for a Christmas gift, Patty presented me with a new apron to add to my collection. Tied in the middle was a new wooden spoon, because she knew I really liked to cook and bake.

So really, it's not all bad. They are friendly and mostly thoughtful. Patty has broken Sarge of bad habits like having parties 'till 5am on week nights; burning wood in the back yard (both illegal and stupid on postage stamp properties) and leaving on the megawatt outside light that defies all manner of window shades and blasts into my bedroom all night long.

I really hope she makes him get rid of the ATV.

Neighbors part 1.

My redneck neighbor just got an all-terrain-vehicle. He's spent the last 25 minutes trying to get it started and it's been backfiring and sputtering all the while. Rattling the pictures on my wall, Lula's nerves and my patience.

I hate having a hick for a neighbor.

He and his live-in girlfriend have conflicting schedules. She works a 9 to 5 and he goes to school. There is a constant shuffle of their two cars in the driveway, which is a big hassle, because there is no street parking on the street where we live. To remedy the need for him to move his car so she can go to work or her to get her Taurus out of the way so he can get to his exams on time, they now park side by side in the narrow-enough-for-one-car driveway. So she parks two wheels on their lawn and he parks most wheels on mine. Because he is a manly man, he likes to tear in and out of the driveway at high speeds and has taken all of the grass (ok, weeds) with him and has created three enormous ruts in my lawn.

For those of you who are Buffy fans, this guy looks a lot like Spike when he's all vampire bumpy. His eyes are deep set, he has an large upper lip that struggles to cover his massive teeth that are arranged like an aged picket fence. Gross. Plus, he has much less appeal than Spike. Granted, my neighbor doesn't have some super creative writer scripting dialog for him or furthering his character in the stage play of life, but even if he did, I'm not sure he'd bother to read it.

Right now, I really hate him and I want sneak into his yard and pour sugar into the gas tank of both his car and his ATV.

Jerk.

Year of the Monkeybusiness

It was decided at Goat's New Year's Eve gathering that 2008 is the "The Year of the Monkeybusiness".

Mchan said she desperately needed to stop doing the assumed correct things all the time, I said I needed to stop trying to round my quirky square edges, Jimmy is working to get his brain in a more positive and fun place and Goat is always up for monkeybusiness, so The Year of the Monkeybusiness was born.

While it may take a village to raise a child, it took the four of us to create the theme of 2008. We all felt the need to shake things up, but in a way that still allowed us to live our lives and stay out of jail.

Who says a vegetarian, peace mongering, elementary school teacher can't enjoy a hockey fight or a round of Ultimate Fighting? I am a firm believer that there is a huge difference between the violence people do to each other and sports violence. If two players get in a scrum at a hockey game, it's consensual, they both are wearing padding, it's somewhat expected and there are referees to keep anyone from getting hurt. Same with something like Ultimate Fighting. The fighters are going into the ring to do battle. There are people there to make sure no one gets seriously hurt and watching two guys grapple, box, and wrestle is exciting and primal. There is lots of trash talking, but underneath it all, there is a lot of respect.

This is a year where I live in gray areas, explore creative shenanigans and learn how to keep my somewhat corporate job and stick it to the man at the same time.

I want to create a slogan for our 2008 theme, but trying to get the words "monkey" and "business" into a slogan have created little more than poo flinging pictures in my head.

On a poo note: My friend Mark determined that poo was a much funnier word that poop. Reading over that last paragraph reaffirms how right he is.